It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
