I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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