a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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