Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
