um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
