in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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