I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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