i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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