this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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