you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
