Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
