i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
