So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
