I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
