You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
