God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
