This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
