i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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