I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
