a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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