There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
