Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
