checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
