I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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