I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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