fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
