i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
