Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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