Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
