how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
3 2 1 whiskey
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
