the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
