I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
