Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
