Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
