I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
