i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
