Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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