Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
