I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
