recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
