All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We are two peas in an std pod
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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