Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
