I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
