Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
