Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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