youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
