do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
