Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
