Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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