He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
